Last minute..

Ughh! I was in limbo about tonight’s dance class. But then when I decided I really wanted to go, my friend bailed on me ): She had her reasons, I just hope she was sincere… Then again, I don’t get why she would lie about something like that. I hope things get better for her anyway. The advantage is I can get my math homework finished now before the test tomorrow. (:

Today was a weird day. Long and tiring. Woke up early to take my car and my moms to the shop. It took forever! I was falling asleep in the lounge. It sucks I barely got anything done today =/ We were supposed to have done SOME christmas decorations, I was supposed to have cleaned a little bit. But then when I got home from the car dealer I went straight to sleep. EXHAUSTED! ); Took a 2 hour nap, was SUPPOSED to go to the dance class, crammed my food and got ready for nothing. I just hope I pass the test tomorrow ): I hate that they moved tests to wednesdays rather than thursdays ): asdfghjkl;’ oh well. Math’s a pain. I’m getting off… Gonna get my shit done. Oh fck… PLUS an essay! -_____-;

http://www.formspring.com/forms/?768412-XJspA47kXV

Leave me something? (;

Go away... Please?

Yesterday was a good day in general. I’m currently procrastinating on Math homework which I didn’t work on AT ALL this past week. FUCK. Oh well.. as long as I do at least half or a little more it’s all good…

I’m beginning to stress now. I loved this mini break, seeing family again and an old friend [before it got fucked up]. Now, just thinking of anything to do with them just plain bugs me. It gives me this guilty feeling… really badly inside. Although they texted me this morning apologizing for not texting back yesterday [phone died-no charger] idk whether to believe that or not, but whatever. They left yesterday… which I would say I’m happy, but I’m not, We only spent a few hours while they were in town and they ended shitty. I hate it. They keep telling me its okay, but I still can’t get myself to feel that it is okay. Talking to them today felt totally different. Not as awkward as when we hung out.. But still awkward. It felt like neither of us had nothing to say. And after their last response, it didn’t help me much to keep the conversation going… Which pissed me off. I’m glad they even bothered talking to me, but I mean come on, you can’t expect me to do all the work in trying to heal it, or make it go away and back to normal… YOU have to help too. asdfghjkl;’ I hate always being the one to fix things.. [hmm deja vu!]

Enough about them right now.. I hate my math hw. Takes too long. Sometimes it’s easy, but even so it takes a while… ): My fault for procrastinating. But whatever. I’ll get through it. It’s finally my one year anniversary with the bf<3 First CONSISTENT relationship [with no breaks or anything like that] (: I have no idea what he has planned for tonight but I can’t wait. It’s even better since it’ll be after my classes so it’ll be like a stress reliever somewhat. I’m excited (:

I’m hoping the CPK doesn’t get to my stomach today =/ It usually does… Then again my stomach feels a little bleh… ):

Can I just say...?

Person number 1; You make it seem like I ruined our friendship. Sure, I have my own body, mind and choices, but shit… I almost feel it was a mistake to spend time with you. THANKS for avoiding me ALL FUCKING DAY TODAY. And the worst part is… you happen to be the one that helped me stop [temporarily] blogging negatively. But now… It’s all turned on you. You accuse me of fucking up yesterday when really, YOU did today… and some of yesterday too. Like wtf is your problem? You always make yourself seem like the person who wouldnt do this stupid shit and avoid someone because of some STUPID LITTLE THING. But I guess you’re not better than that… FUCK. I don’t even know you anymore… I’m so upset. You make me feel like I should take all the blame when deep down, I know I shouldn’t. Since now you’re acting against how you normally would. Its a two person thing—communication and such—you could have saved shit from being weird or getting messed up yesterday but you didnt. You made the night end on a BAD note. Also ending with me feeling like absolute SHIT. I’m sure right now you’re probably happy that you’re going back home and that you’ve completely AVOIDED ME ALL DAY and probably wont even talk to me tomorrow, or even apologize. Well fuck me for thinking I really know you … right? UGHHH! No puedo decir que te odio porque no es la verdad. Que tonta estuve por creer que todo iba salir bien cuando somos juntos. La verdad, no se que hacer contigo. Ya trate de hablar contigo, y no contestas. asdgjkl;’ Que GROSERO de ti a dejar me sin propio despedida… Quien te crees?! );

Person number 2; You came into my life, left for a couple weeks, then came back. La verdad, ya se que no debo hablar contigo, pero lo hice esa noche. No se porque, pero lo hice… no quiero mas problemas contigo, pero quiero ser amigos… Es TODO lo que quiero de ti. I don’t know what else to say, but it seems like everything’s going back to normal for you. I’m glad to see that, but I just hope nothing gets fucked up with us again. I’m sick of bullshit like that and I don’t need it as much as you don’t..

Person number 3; I try to be of service to you, as a friend, someone to vent to, or someone you can confide in. But its just a little hard when you ask for friends even though you push them all away. Talking to you tonight was good. You seemed happy for once. Whenever you’re down I try and cheer you up or talk about the situation with you. You talk about it, but just say negative shit anyway. And it hurts to know that you need at “friend” at the time, I’m ALWAYS there when you need help, and you don’t take it. You vent to me, but don’t take my advice. I can’t force you to do that, nor do I expect you to take it. But if I’m trying to make you feel better, you could at least cut back on the negative responses. As far as I PERSONALLY know, I’m the only that comes running the second I notice you’re down about something. Just please… DON’T take me for granted anymore..

After waiting for so long..

And this is what we ended up with..

I’m really disappointed in myself tonight. An old friend of mine and I , have been waiting to see each other again for quite a while. We’ve practically been counting the days and weeks till we saw each other again. But when we finally did… I feel like I screwed it up. It almost just sucked. I loved their company again and everything, and the same for them, but we ended the night on a weird awkward state. ): That makes me really sad. asdfghjkl;’and FRUSTRATED at myself because most of it was my fault. FUCK! );

We may hang out again tomorrow. They’re leaving sunday so hopefully tomorrow will be better… Ugh! asdfghjkl;’

I hate that now, whenever I wanna blog on here it seems I have nothing to say once I let out the main point of it… I just want tomorrow to be better… Is that too much to ask for? After THREE weeks?

Unnecessary pain?...

Like wtf? Not physical pains.. but emotionally.. mentally. Shit like that. I hate this. I shouldn’t even be feeling this way, but I do. I want it to stop, but I can’t stop caring. And it sucks. On top of that, I have weird dreams about the cause of it. It’s retarded. None of this makes sense but I felt like blogging… so yeah. I’m too lazy to write it out in a journal so when I wanna vent and don’t have patience, I do it here. Ughhh! I hate don’t like people sometimes.. -___-;. But I mean hey, who does right? asdfghjkl; I’ve ran out of things to say. It’s all in my head but I can’t put it in words anymore without giving too much detail and shit.

I might as well post pics of the 14 HOUR FILMING DAY on saturday… XP

My sister as a scary vampire on her break checking her cell… lol.

She had really cool professional fangs btw… along with WHITE contacts D:

My baby niece with my brother in law and Chantelle<3 She’s truly awesome (: great actress too, she was on 5 eps. of 90210 (:

I think I’ll just post that much. The rest are on my facebook. 
I’m just gonna try and go to sleep… Hope things get better.. );

One Headlight..<3

I feel like I have so much to say. I’ve been wanting to blog so badly, but I just couldn’t seem to put my thoughts into words… It’s weird. On top of that, a good friend of mine pretty much talked me out of posting another venting blog. Which is a good thing, but it just made me feel like I didn’t need to blog about anything at the time -___-; Thanks I love you and all, but I need my blogging every now and then. Lol.

I had a long weekend. Gotta motivate myself to post pics and give more details later. I don’t wanna do it right now… Right now, I just wonder why the fuck I’m having the weirdest dreams about a certain person. This would be the second. -__-; On top of that, another person whom I ran into at the New Moon premier thursday night was also in my dream. And yet we never talk. He’s just one of those acquaintances in which you never really talk, but when you see each other you always say hi and talk for a bit. RANDOM. wertyuiop[‘I wanna say stuff… but then I don’t. It wouldn’t matter since no one reads these, but still… I don’t know how to put it in words. Either way I’m gonna get shit from just letting my feelings out -__-;I hate that. All I know is, my dream is still bugging me. It had so much to do with whats going on in real life, that it’s almost creepy about the stuff that happened in it… [nothing nasty so stfu] just weird… 
And yet in a way… I kinda wish my dream came true.

La verdad, cuando creo que ya te olvide, siempre recuerdo de ti… y lo ODIO absolutamente… porque tienes que ser tan lindo? Ya no quiero pensar en ti… pero no puedo controlarme … ): ughhh! asdfghjkl;’ me enfadas.. !

I hate that I wanted to write so much…. and now I have no clue what to write about… maybe cuz if I let some things out… It’ll just lead to stupid drama from people giving me shit.. ); fuck.

1

RP# 6...

Some guys… are just plain DICKS.

nuff said.

I hate assholes.

Dear fucking douche...

I just wanted to say… Thanks. I’m so glad I met you at the party. You were the coolest person there. I’m so glad you got my number and asked me to hang out. And I just wanted to say thanks for ruining my life in one day. You don’t know how much I enjoy having rumors spread about me and getting to the same people who started shit with me 3 months ago. THANK YOU SOOO MUCH. I could never be happier at the moment knowing that I’m hated… AGAIN by the same people because of stupid rumors. Thanks for getting me accused of hooking up with you and texting you a lot. You don’t know how much this means to me… Especially knowing that me and my boyfriend are gonna have our ONE YEAR ANNIVERSSARY at the end of this very month. Thanks for putting our relationship, and my reputation in jeopardy. But hey, of course you wouldn’t care. You were just looking for a chick to hook up with at the party after you broke up with your girlfriend of OVER TWO YEARS, two DAYS before this party. Can you be anymore of a douchebag? ):

"I’m apparently doing wrong according to them… But it is they who think they are doing right by accusing me of doing wrong, when really… that puts them as doing wrong.
Fuck rumors, fuck drama, and fuck people who think they know shit.."

Pick me up?..

.. I think NOT.

So my bf’s sister’s 21st bday party was fun, but had some bad parts… and just the littlest of the bad parts made my night—or hers as a matter of fact—…SHIT. 
The party in general was fun, but on my end of it…  Good parts; I met new people, they were pretty cool and easy to talk to [thank god people know how to SPEAK!], I became closer with some people I was acquainted with, I especially got close to another person. But that other person… was not a good idea. As much as I would like to go into details on here, I’m not. If you’d like to know you can text or message me.

Point blank… I am NO ONE’S “Release” for one night… FUCK THAT SHIT. Number one; I have a boyfriend you fucker. Number two; I’m not a one-time thing type of chick, one night stand, one time hook up type chick. Fuck that shit. You seemed like a cool person, and I’m sure you are as a friend, but just because you broke up with your girlfriend of OVER 2 years… Doesn’t mean you can go after a chick that has a boyfriend, AND knowing who he is, and knowing he’s AT THE SAME PARTY. Quien te crees?! La neta… ughh! That just pisses me off..

In general, the whole point here, is it sucks when you meet someone or get close to someone and they seem like a cool person, but there has to be ONE HUGE FLAW about them…. Like this dude. asdfghjkl;’ I didn’t make it ruin my night, but it just sucked. He seemed to be the most interesting person to talk to—in the sense that he kept a good conversation going well compared to other people I talked to— but I guess not. Whatever. I know this shit happens all the time where guys pick up on girls at parties, but boy did I think it was stupid that he wasted his time on ME rather than any other girl at the party. First, there were a GOOD amount of girls [I knew he knew most of them, but not ALL of them], second, he’s 21. Are you fucking crazy dude? I know it’s not pedo status since now I’m 18, but still.. why would  he waste his time on me? There were some pretty girls at that party… but no. Talking about this situation last night with my “hawmie girl” made me feel better. Kinda made me laugh about the whole thing though. The whole thing that same night while it happened even made me laugh. I just thought it was retarded. I mean according to her, I was probably “hot”, but I wasnt the only one! [not saying that I’m hot]. asdfghjkl;’ Either way, thankfully he’s not becoming stalker status, I’m sure he found his new piece of ass last night at a different party… NOT SURPRISED.. THANK YOU, I’m not worth your time.